A year later…
It is now September 8th, a year ago today our family, Kenny, Kristin, Tyler, and
I were all together. It seems like yesterday. We went for a visit
that weekend with his parents Pat and Mary Ann and his sister Lynda. It
was one of those weekends that was relaxing, we went for a walk on the
boardwalk at Kenny’s favorite beach - where Kenny and I met - Long Beach, NY.
Kenny, his father Pat and Kristin and Tyler went to play by the ocean’s edge.
I stayed on the boardwalk with his Mary Ann and Lynda. I then realized
that I needed some family pictures for Kristin’s nursery school the coming
week. I went down to join them, and we were able to get those lasting
pictures of us as a family. My final shot was of Kenny walking away from
us on the boardwalk holding Tyler’s hand. I turned to Mary Ann and said
something to the effect ’ that is one of those pictures you never forget’.
We then went to a festival in Island Park, Kenny ran off to buy ride tickets for
Kristin and Tyler, his last $13. in his pocket. He was so happy just
watching his children have fun. When we left his family that Sunday we
both said what a nice weekend we had.
Now as September 11th approaches, I almost dare not go there in my mind, and I
think I won’t. But I will say that over the past year, one that seems
like a blink away - yet also a lifetime is all so surreal. So final.
It has taken me nearly the whole year to truly realize the fact that Kenny
isn’t coming home. I want to call him at work and chat about the
children and the funny things that they did, I want him to walk in the door and
watch as the children run to kiss him, I want to have my hugs back, my security,
and his strength. It all seems so unfair for us all. Especially
Kenny who will miss out on life.
As I look over the past year, and think of all of the things we did, said, and
thought - it is overwhelming. I have fit more in this year than in the
past 5 years. For me keeping busy means I don’t have to think so hard at
the emptiness left in our heart and home. I know he is with us guiding us,
I still talk to him in my mind, Kristin says that daddy comes down and kisses
her at night. She says daddy is in our hearts. And he is.
I hope America can heal in positive ways, we are trying to. I know it will
take time, strength and hope. I feel we have all come together as one
nation, and this has strengthened us and reminded us of our true American
Spirit.
We have a long road to travel, this is going to be a life changing journey, one
I never thought we would have to make. We are lucky to have such a
wonderful support system. Family, friends and the nation have all shown
such kindness. I know we will not be alone in this journey.
Thank you all.
Photo by G.N. Miller (NY Post)